Why?

Why do women invest so much time, money, and effort to look beautiful, but drink, consume drugs, to look ugly? Why do people say they need to experience shit to become wiser? Is the philosophy of “learning from others’ mistakes” erroneous? Why should those who choose not to be intoxicated be labeled as uncool, and boring? Such is the conclusion of the human mind in today’s world.

The hearing of such labels filled my heart with ineffable sadness. Not for myself, but for them, such that it is so incredibly sad, that they would say such things beyond my feeble comprehension.

For such friendships I feel deeply grateful, but bitter are my recollections of the ugly. I love to recall any instances of kindness, any sunbeams of being treated with respect.

Though, I hasten to say, that it is a great mistake to suppose them happy. Because they had fun the way they did. 

 

Brown Eyes

In your veiled mysterious splendour

Passion lies

Sleeping, but with sudden tender

Dreams that fill with vague surmise

Beautiful brown eyes.

Long time coming…

The reason why I have renewed energy and inspiration to blog is uncanny. The truth is, such episodes are not uncommon, I trade tales like this all the time. Over the years, I learned to smother the rage I felt at so often being taken for a pity-pie (I have only myself to blame). I learned to let negative thoughts and feelings slide, thus my blog was left to alienate. Recently, however, these lessons learned are no solace against the kind of alienation I’m putting myself through.

You might erroneously conclude that I’m once again, faltering to the self-hate I so often cast on myself. I give a wide berth to people who make erroneous comments about my life, who doesn’t? I have been calm and extremely congenial on those, occasions when I would label people as being careless with my feelings when they start telling me what to do, as if they have been, me. I came to doubt myself, with the myriad of voices going on, and on, and on…

We are all exposed to everyone’s general idea of what is “fun” or “relaxing” or, the “right way to enjoy” something. But one of the wonderful things about being human, is the unpredictable nature of life for which nobody can adequately prepare. Why then, should I succumb to anyone’s idea of what my perfect life could be? Decisions I make on my life are intensely personal. I will not let myself go that easily. Try harder.

A Different New Year

It’s my first time spending Chinese New Year alone. But I thought I’d film myself again. 😛

The choice of music in my video is gonna be quite funny. Please laugh all you want! Haha! 😀

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Take care everyone!

Music:
Gong Xi Gong Lian Nian Gao Shen by Mediacorp Artiste
500 Miles Away From Home by Bobby Bare
Fields of Gold by Emi Fujita
I Say a Little Prayer by Aretha Franklin
Can’t Smile Without You by Barry Manilow

Just Another Day…

Hello World.

First things first, I wanna say thank you to all for reading my blog, being my reader although it has had a few, I mean a lot, of emotional, somewhat ugly entries. Thank you for sticking with me. 😉

My humble piece of salmon is gonna take at least half hour to be defrosted, and the rice about 20mins to be cooked. I haven’t had rice in a long time, come to think about it. I really misssssss home cooked food. My mom’s tomato sauce chicken, fish cake with lemongrass, chicken curry, plum sauce pork, asparagus with pine nuts, yadda yadda. 😦 First meal when I’m back in Singapore? It’s gonna be mom’s food and then local favourites like laksa, hokkien noodles, fried char kway teow, carrot cake, nasi lemak, chwee kueh, iced kacang with extra condensed milk, mee pok w/o liver, roti prata, chicken rice, and the list goes on. I really miss fish & chips from fish & co. too, for some reason. The spicy mango sauce is to die for. 😆 Oh, and I want to eat durian, jackfruit, papaya, rambutan, custard apple, all the tropical fruits!!!!!!! 😦

Okay, I’m really digressing. 🙄

I picked up another book from my school’s library. It’s a book written by Fantasia Barrino: Life is Not a Fairy Tale. I’m sure we all know who she is. I found myself absorbed in her book when I was supposed to be studying for my Math test. Yeah, it gripped me so much emotionally that I could not put it down.

It’s not a book about prying into a celebrity’s life really. It’s about their humble beginnings, life as it was to her family when having enough money was too good to be true, their collective emotional setbacks, and a whole lot of other dramatic stuff like Fantasia herself getting raped, and going through pregnancy right after high school. Did I mention her feeling powerless, filthy, and hopeless?

A passage and a quote paraphrased from the book:

“I also eventually learned what a friend is not. Someone who is not a friend is someone who will talk about you behind your back or a person who would take from you when they know you don’t have much. I realize that people who are your friends would never hurt or harm your reputation by saying anything that would be damaging to you or your career. A real friend would never hurt your chances of progressing and taking it to the next level.”

“Comfort is not happiness.”

How true. 🙂 We all learn by hard, don’t we?

What is your favourite book right now? 🙂

I did some DIY to my hair today. It’s now like, 2-3 (okay, like 10) shades darker than it was previously. I’ve heard people saying that they think I’m a clubber girl. Maybe it was due to my bright hair color? I’m so not. Let’s see what people have to say now. 😕 😕 😕 Not that I really care, maybe I do, but 😡 , whatever. LOL.

Before (left) and after (right) picture. I know, so different, right. I’m scared now. 😥

And. I. painted. my nails red. Yayness. 😀 The little things girls do to make themselves happy. Hurhur.

Life is still mundane, but to keep it mundane, it has to be maintained this way. So, I’m glad it’s not deteriorating. 😀

Bye guys. Love from me to you. 😳

My fish is swimming in the water now.

Updates:

Yay. Salmon is cooked!

Seasoning: Olive oil, salt, pepper, honey, a dash of paprika (for fun).

Ingredients: Egg, crimini mushrooms, baby tomatoes.

I know it looks like its a lot, but its not! LOL. Just the closed up! 😀

A glass of cherries. 😉

Am I eating healthy or what.

I’m puzzled.

There’s this Asian girl who is in my Math class and she hangs out with two Mexican guys, like everyday. I can tell from her accent and the way she talks that she is an ABC, (just a little background). Hmm, you know when you’re in a new class, and you try to talk to people? Like, I don’t know what the problem is, but the 3 of them have never talked to me even though I am sitting like just behind, and next to them. Is it my face? Or is it the way I think? Trust me, she knows when I am smiling to myself at their jokes, she knows I want to say hello. (I’m specfically using the Asian girl as the main character, well because she is Asian) 😛

I’m not saying that I’m annoyed at them, I am just perturbed, because I cannot understand why people can laugh, talk, joke, and completely ignore those around them? Have I been pampered all my years in poly, because generally, people do not ignore the lonely and the quiet, as far as what I saw from the closed friends/people I have met. It’s always trying to get people involved, and making them feel comfortable. Maybe the world is tired of being kind, and friendly. Maybe…people are satisfied with what they have, and they don’t need you?

I was just thinking about the stereotype that people have about Singaporeans – that they are unfriendly. I beg to differ. As far as I know, we might be at a disadvantage when it comes to socializing – because we were not brought up in a culture where speaking up is prevalent, and cause’ our education system did not train us to be adept speakers. Well, many other yadda yadda reasons. But, not being good at socializing does not mean we are unfriendly.

Anyhoot. You know, there really is a different take, and feel about the word unfriendly. To me, it carries the essence of being aloof. So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, I feel people (here) are generally aloof, and closed off to the things they are not interested in.

But, this really is a subjective matter. There could be reasons why they were kinda ignorng my presence in class. They kinda ignore everyone’s too. It’s just them and their own worlds. I don’t mean to pick on their attitude, or the way they behave socially.

But, really, the world could use a little kindness and compassion.

Make people around you feel a little more at ease.

Peace guys, love to y’all, love to everyone from you.

I’m happier when:

1) I care less if people like me or not

2) I do and say whatever I like

3) I don’t care if I’m accepted or not

4) I understand that being perfect is imperfect

5) I live in accordance to my beliefs

6) I set higher standards in everything that I do

7) I cry hard when I need to, and not hold it all in.

8 ) People cry and confide in me. Hey, I get mad too, there’s nothing to hide.

9) I look back at times when I felt like dying because of things, and I laugh at myself

10) I take myself less seriously

11) I know I am improving myself

12) I admit when I am wrong, and I chide myself for my mistakes.

13) I know I am a phenomenal woman. Notice I used the word woman. LOL. I’m 21. 😀 I really should be kinder to myself.

I just want to say, don’t allow failures to cripple you for future success. It will be hard to make yourself move forward, the whole world can give up on you, but don’t you dare give up on yourself. The whole world can hate you, ignore you, but don’t you dare ignore yourself. Even if you think your life sucks, and you really think it does, so what? It doesn’t mean it won’t ever rock again. And if your life does suck, then at some point in your life, it must have rocked.

We all make silly mistakes, but what is a life without regrets?

YOU are greater than any challenge, and YOU are who YOU set YOUSELF to be.

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I don’t know why I’m so inspirational all of a sudden.

 But hey, nobody told me that if I need to cry, I should cry it out, hard. If I need to scream, scream my lungs out.

So I’m telling you, do whatever you need to do to be 100% you.

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Well, it’s not like I am 100% positive, and that I am confident of myself now. Surely, I still have my insecurities. But, I guess we just forget that we are strong when we are weak. I hope this entry would be a reminder to myself too.

Good luck everyone. =P

Crazy from Math

Huh?

Talking to me?

HELLO!!!

My name is Tricia. 😀 My friends call me Trish. Idiolts call me Trisha. Lame jokers call me trishaw.

*Whatever face*

I’m just maxed out from Math.

Like, finally?

Guess who! Okay, here’s the deal. I show you guys pictures but don’t tell any of my friends about my blog. -.- Nay, I’m just kidding. It’s not a big deal if they know about my blog, but I’ve only told 1 friend about my blog. Why do I keep typing ‘blog’? Anyway, she’s a friend who is from China, Guangzhou. We went to downtown L.A. by BUS!!!!!! You have no idea how many different buses we had to take just to get to our destination. Don’t judge my hair okay? Haha. It’s got a bad dye job. Hopefully, I’ll have the chance to fix it soon. 🙂 By the way, I haven’t told her she is published on my blog. Hahahahaha.

And don’t judge my bloated face. It’s taken at a weird angle okay! To be honest, I don’t have many friends because, well in L.A.,  if you don’t drive, you get nowhere. And if you get nowhere, your friends are nowhere. Get a car, go everywhere, and friends flock to you from everywhere. Haha.

I’m supposed to be studying. 😦

Bye guys…

Let me know how you all are getting on.

Oh, and about why I haven’t told many people here about my blog…HMM. I don’t exactly know why. Perhaps, I feel that I have yet to settle down emotionally, and I don’t want them to know of my insecurities and complaints. Most importantly, I feel people here gossip like, to the max? As the community consisting of international students is really small, people talk about each other a lot. I mean, I totally understand that it is second nature for people to talk. It’s not like I haven’t talked about others before. Then again, letting them read my blog would probably give them another channel to watch, or radio station to listen to. And I….would hate to be their topic. But I’ll definitely let people I trust, read my blog fosho. 🙂